TTC travels

Last Friday, I trekked into Toronto for a TV Broadcast assignment. The TTC is just a whole 'nother level of transit insanity. I should definitely use it more often.
While getting onto a streetcar at Union Station, a class-load of small children got off the vehicle. What crazy teacher thinks "Hm.. I'm going to put the bajillions of small people I look after on a busy streetcar in downtown Toronto. Great idea!"
I would jump off a roof if someone tried to involve me in a plan like that. It doesn't help that young kids are often about as crazy and easy to distract as five hyperactive chihuahuas. And these children weren't even on leashes! In downtown Toronto! Surrounded by people and big, shiny lights!
The moral of this story is that elementary school teachers should be required to undergo psychological testing.

On the subway home, a man came up to my project partner and me. I had seen him approaching others on the subway car, so I knew what he was up to. He had messy dreadlocks, a visibly dirty hoody and a dazed look on his face. I didn't even dare look at his pants or shoes.
He held out a cup and said something to the extent of "Yo, you have change?" Of course, we didn't. I don't mind helping homeless people, but I don't even have a job right now and I'd rather help a charity that will help them for me instead.
This man looked off, but his smell was also hard to bear. There is no exaggeration here when I say the man smelled like he had never even seen a shower on TV, let alone set foot in one. As my partner put it "Oh my God. He smells like 5000 armpits."
Fine. Block your nose for a minute and move on. Nope.
He went to the man across the aisle and asked him the same question. Some change was dropped into the cup. What happens next? The man asked for $50 to get to Ottawa... Uh... What?
I will take you to a store, buy you a bar of soap and pay for you to get into a public pool shower room. Let's do this thing.
After he walked back to the other side of the subway car, his stench lingered. It stayed in the air for THE ENTIRE RIDE BACK. We got off at least four or five stops after this man approached us and he exited a few stops before we did. When I think about it, the smell comes back to my nose. It was one of those horrific, life-changing experiences that will never go away. I shall forever be haunted.

TTC = Woe is me

So, I don't live in Toronto, but I've been taking rides with the TTC (Toronto Transit.. commission? council? crap?) lately.

You'd think such a big city would be able to fix things up with transit, but nope. Of course, Toronto elects Ford as mayor too. That'll sure help (if there was an "I'm really stupid with my crossed eyes and tongue sticking out" icon, I'd probably insert it now).

Firstly, how in the world do you read a TTC transfer (from a bus, not a subway station)? Random numbers, letters and symbols. They rip it in a certain spot. Can bus drivers/subway workers even read these things? Every time I hold one up, the TTC workers don't even seem to look at them. What is this nonsense? I bet I could carry the same transfer around for months and not one person would notice. I should do that. Damn you, Toronto. You don't deserve my $3 (Xhowever many rides I take).

Secondly, TTC bus drivers seem to be extra pissy. Yes, many riders are psychotic, prissy prissfaces, or annoying as hell, but I'm not! You didn't even give me a chance to be nice and friendly. I don't even know why I say thanks when getting off buses... Doesn't help anything... I suppose the way I get off through the front doors just cancels out my niceness though... hm..

My last points are for buses all over the place:
Why in the world is the bus you're waiting for always the last one to show up? I could see the 191 everyday, all day, then when I need it, it takes five hours. WHY? When I want the 191, you know that rare 648791 bus is going to come by five times. The transit commissions do it on purpose, I assure you.

This one isn't about the actual buses, but the riders. When someone beside you wants to get off the bus, why in the world would you turn your body into the aisle? They still have to squish their behinds right past your side. Do you want my bag and/or behind to smack your shoulder on the way out? Really? 'Cause I'll do it. You asked for it. Also, when I've contorted the hell outta that row, how am I supposed to walk down the aisle with your gigantic calves blocking my way? Exactly.

I would also really appreciate not having your crotch in my face when you're standing. Stand back, please and thank you.


BTW, I'm listening to Julia Nunes while writing this. Just thought you should all know. I should probably write a rave on the good musicians I've discovered on YouTube (Go away, Biebs. You ruined YouTube, Canada, music and my life).